How to deal with others expectation of your wedding day?

I am recently engaged and we were planning for a spring wedding. We have had some other financial obligations come up, so we are delaying that. His folks seem to be disappointed in this and were also visibly disappointed when I joked that we may just go to Vegas...then they offered to give us money, which we declined because I know that there would be expectations for us to grant a lot of their wishes if we took it and that is not how I want to feel about my wedding. I just wish that we could have what we want, no matter what that is, without worrying about others feelings.

How to deal with others expectation of your wedding day?
I understand you not wanting to be a bridezilla and to take the opinions and feelings of those closest to you and your fiance into consideration however letting them dicate isn't right. An opinion is just that an opinion everyone has one and will willingly let you know their thoughts (especially on wedding planning) but you can take it or leave it. If you want to get married in Vegas (joking or not) then his parents will have to accept this as it's what you want. You can't always please everyone and though you can take what they say and apply it or not it is your day and you aren't selfish for wanting it your way, especially if you are paying for it. If his parents choose to help you out financially for the wedding then maybe talk to his mom and let her know that you appreciate the help, but that you have a vision in mind and would like to do the majority of the planning and that's why your scared of taking the money. She may just want to help you because it's her son and she is ready to see you married. The best tactic is honesty if you don't like something be honest, if you don't take someone's suggestions be honest as to why it's not right for you and your wedding. Instead of letting people get the best of you just be very open and honest with them and that will show your assertiveness but also will make them see that it is your wedding, but you are taking their thoughts into consideration and want them to do the same. I hope this helps, best of luck.
Reply:be urself
Reply:You plan, according to what the two of you can afford to host. But still, you must take family into consideration.
Reply:Let your future in-laws know that while you aren't interested in throwing a grande wedding or reception for yourselves, that if they would like to throw a party (reception) FOR you, that you would of course be proud and pleased to be their guest of honor. You must politely make clear that you are unable to get involved in the details of planning and giving this party. It would be mean to take your in-laws fun away from them, but at the same time you can refuse to take on any obligations beyond those usual to a guest of honor -- giving your opinion of various arrangement ONLY if asked, showing up on time properly dressed, going along with your hosts' program for the party (dance when instructed to dance, and so on), and being friendly to all their guests. When unsure of what to do, just remember that this is THEIR party, and that a guest of honor is still only a guest even if she is also a bride.
Reply:You can never please everyone!





I was in the same situation only my parents gave me my 'wedding fund' when I turned 30 for a down payment on a condo. We joked that I was never getting married anyway so why not put it to use. Well throughout this whole wedding planning process, I have felt the pressure to please them and to make concessions to what they want. Along the way I ended up not getting what I wanted and this past few months have been torture.





I cannot wait until the wedding is over and I really wanted to have fun planning my wedding. Don't put too many expectations on the planning part. Make sure you choose 3 things that are absolute musts and 3 that are absolute 'no ways' and let everything else be negotiable. You will not be able to please everyone, but letting go of some of the things will make your life easier for the planning period. If you do accept money, make sure you get the money up front to put in a savings account to spend as you like, otherwise they could hold it hostage and only pay for things they approve of.
Reply:My sister is having the same problem. If you want to elope you elope don't let them tell you how to live your life or they will be doing it for the rest of your life.
Reply:you can have what you want; after all it as your wedding day
Reply:You seem to be a *people pleaser* and as long as you keep living your life this way, you'll never be truly happy. You can't please everyone all the time. Who cares what everyone else thinks... this is *your* wedding and your wedding only!
Reply:Stop worrying about pleasing others and just focus on what's right for you and your fiance. If Vegas is it, then do it. I live in Vegas and I think it's so damn cool for people to say "screw tradition" and go with a Vegas wedding. Doesn't have to be super cheap or tacky, just small and simple.





Good luck to you and congrats!
Reply:You know how they say girls dream about their wedding days for their whole life? Well....the same is true for parents. The moment their little baby is born, they imagine a day when their child will meet his or her soulmate, fall in love, and get married. They have as much hopes and dreams involved in this day as you do, so there does need to be SOME sensitivity to that. BUT as long as the 2 of you stick together and just stay true to who YOU are as a couple, then everything will be fine. You have to accept the fact that a few people might not like EVERY aspect of your wedding but you can't let that drive everything. It's YOUR wedding. The Vegas thing is most parent's worse nightmare because, like I said before, they've been dreaming of that day for a long time too. So, to do that would be taking away their dream as well. Out of respect for your parents and his, I would not do the vegas option. While they might be a little disappointed at the delay now, they will be soooo happy when they get to see the wedding of your dreams a little later on.
Reply:its your wedding. everyone isnt paying for your bills. if you have things that need your immediate attention then everyone should respect your decisions. do it when you are stable and ready. you will be happier about it.
Reply:It is your wedding - don't let the needs of others ruin it for you. Be assertive - go ahead with what you are needing to happen. Get your boyfriend to deal with his parents - maybe he can tell them to back off a little. You can acknowledge the needs of others and their feelings but remember you don't own them - concentrate on your own feelings and needs.
Reply:My parents were gracious enough to give us 7,000.00 when we got engaged. There were some undertones of trying to meet expectations, but we said, no, we're spending 6,000 on a honeymoon to Italy and the rest on a smaller wedding in a park. The wedding part is really between you and yours. The rest is a show. In fact, that's what we called it to some of our friends...you comin' to the show? It IS your event.
Reply:Truly, a weddding is a day fro you and your future spouse to enjoy together. It is a day to celebrate you two. But it is also a chance to honor and celebrate your families and their impact and role in your lives.


A wedding is a way for showing that you are two families coming together - even if it's only dreaded reunions and Christmas every other year. You will want to give them some say in some things.


My suggestion would be to give each mother one things that you would like them to be in charge of. My mother is better at knowing what others will like to eat and our budget, so I trust her with arranging the catering while his mother is good at making jewlry - this saves me from having to buy something and it has a lot of meaning.